The Qualities of a Facilitator
A person who:
Is a learner.
Has a compassionate heart.
Has good listening skills
Has a deep relationship with the Lord.
Has a prayer life.
As a facilitator, having a heart that is willing to continue to grow, and learn, in listening to others is key; A desire to help others grow into freedom, is a very much “a behind the scenes” necessary pre-requisite. I put “behind the scenes” simply because it is so easy to fall into “advice giving” and being a “fixer.” This might be all someone knows about being a helper. But there is so much more…
There needs to be maturity in knowing that a facilitator is not leading the group in order to fix anyone. There is only one person that can fix anyone; Jesus Christ Himself! In many ways a facilitator is simply a conduit for a deeper connection with Christ.
Asking simple questions to draw out personal insight is often very helpful. Sometimes silence is the most powerful tool, or simply saying a prayer. ,
A Safe Place to Share Without Condemnation
Support group work is a ministry, where the individuals who come to the group are looking for a safe place to share without any condemnation. Listening to individual stories is about creating a compassionate place for individuals to move out of their dark, hidden, often shame-ridden isolation; into the light of safe community and the light of vulnerability and honesty. Which is terrifying to most of us.
For many, it maybe the first time they have ever been in a group of people who share their struggles. Struggles of dealing with: self-harm, bulimia, alcohol, drugs, pornography, lying, and many others. It’s a place where everyone may share what they can; or maybe not even share at all; simply a place to listen and feel a part of community
It’s difficult to share something so personal without fear that someone will preach at them and try and fix the problem. Our willingness as facilitators to listen and encourage is key.
The Importance of leading someone to reflect on their own life and not give “advice” or try to “fix.” What I have personally learned.
I have learned from the ladies in support groups to reflect on my own life; to discover what I do to make myself “feel” better and not deal with the pain I am going through. I often withdraw into my own little space to avoid conflict. I do that many times with keeping myself “busy” with activities. My favourite is to spend time cleaning when I am really trying to hide. I know that sounds crazy but it has affected my relationships in the family.
As I have learned to share my struggles in the group, I have begun to see the reasons for my own addictive behaviours; the desire to stop the pain I am feeling; the desire to just withdraw emotionally from everyone, even those I love. In fact I have been very blind to the reason I am so obsessive about cleaning. Who knew that pain would be so difficult that I would do such a crazy thing?
I would not have been able to come to these realisations with someone trying to “fix” me. I had to be gently led, in a safe, compassionate environment, to my own conclusions and be softly led to my Saviour, who can heal and “fix” with His amazing touch.
Sheryl Emra
Co-director of Life is Full of Choices