Introduction
In Part 2 of the theme; react or respond, I am taking quotes from others; authors that have delved deeply into the area of emotion as Christians; when response/reaction is godly, sinful or just plain unhelpful. They are also very honest about how we can become stuck and not able to drag ourselves out of reactions we know hurt us and others.
A Core Issue: Identity
Who we are and identity matter! If God has called me to Himself, chosen me and told me I am His child, with a brand new identity in Christ (Ephesians 1 is a great chapter for this), then I have hope in a greater being, who can remould me. I am not just having to rely on my own ability (pretty minimal) to create new patterns of response. This is especially significant if I have lost hope in any kind of possible change.
Here are some words from a favourite author of mine, David Powlison from Good & Angry; Redeeming Anger, Irritation, Complaining and Bitterness:
Chapter 11, Page 125
” To be made new means dying to what is old…to be made new means awakening to new life. We migh say it this way; you and I must become Christians with respect to our angers…To do that we need the mercies of Christ…Because of our tendency o flip out and revert to old ways, we need to enter life-long rehab…I know many people who have relearned to do anger…Each of them bears witness to the active hand of God. It takes grace. And each of them bears witness to the diligence of humility. It takes grit. You must honestly and patiently wrestle with yourself. You must consciously choose to become a different kind of person. You must work it out over a life-time…
Choose to Become a Different Person
God is so gracious with us/me. He does not force us to be different. He leaves the choice with us. He reaches out and rescues us, a beautiful act of mercy and then challenges us with the choice of either conforming to this world or be transformed by the renewing of our mind. He does not robotically reset our minds, we have a part to play.; working out our salvation in the light of new identity in Christ. Check out Romans chapter 12 and Philippians chapter 2.
Here are two quotes illustrating the emotional state and helplessness we can sometimes find ourselves in.
As you read them ponder:
- What does being a Christian, a child of God mean in these circumstances. In my circumstances?
- What choices do I now have to re-orient, re-direct my emotional thought patterns?
- What practical steps can I now take?
The first quote is taken from Unstuck by Tim Lane. Step 5, Page 69
“You are in Christ and secure in his love because of his life, death and resurrection…Now…how will you respond to your circumstances? When the kids are disrespecting you, or a big deadline is making you anxious, or you’re tempted to click the link to a pornographic website-how will you react? Will you go left-responding in a way that is ungodly or unhelpful? -or right- responding in a way that is godly and productive?
The second quote is from Untangling Emotions by Alastair Groves and Winston T Smith Chapter 6, Page 76
“Maybe you’ve never done laps around your block for hours at a time trying to fight yourself into feeling different, but you probably do know what it is like to hate the way you feel and yet find yourself unable to snap out of it. Anyone familiar with depression or anxiety certainly knows what it’s like to be trapped in an emotion. Guilt, sadness, anger, numbness, envy, regret, despair, and bitterness can be formidable wrestling partners too-all capable of pinning you to the mat and sitting on your chest.
Why is this? Why do we so often feel like our emotions are controlling us rather than the other way around? Why can’t we simply choose to feel different any time we want to?”
These authors go on to write that wrestling with emotions can take time, quoting Psalm 42 vv. 5,11
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?
Page 79
“The bottom line is simple: because emotions flow out of what we care about most, our emotions can’t and shouldn’t change apart from a change in what we care about…It can radically alter your emotional experience to talk with God in prayer …a vital, active relationship with a good and sovereign God matters a lot to your emotional life.
I don't do that anymore!
In Free! Recovery we often encourage our participants to speak aloud when tempted to act out their addictive, life-controlling issues. Words like, “I don’t do that anymore!” “I am a child of God, chosen and loved by Him! I have a new identity, the old has gone the new has come!” Truth is powerful.
The same can be true when fighting emotions. Try speaking out when just about to react quickly, “I am a child of God, how would a loved, rescued child of God respond?” “In my new identity I do not react that way any more!”
Slow Down
Ask God to help you slow down, talk to Him first when a circumstance hits you. Ask for wisdom in how to respond!
I am going to ask God to help me in this! Take Courage!
Sally Childress
Co-Founder Free! Recovery
