Consequences of a Life of Using
This post is the second part of Pete’s very personal and courageously vulnerable writing . Pete has listed the destructive nature of his using, what it has done to him and others. This is completely Pete’s writing. I didn’t want to change it. It needed to be true to him.
Part 1 is here: https://www.free-recovery.org/an-inside-look-into-thoughts-fears-and-consequences-of-an-addict-part-1/
Emotional Consequences
FEELINGS OF ANGER FEAR AND DESPAIR
• When my mother needed my support I was using, I was horrible to my mother.
• I always feel afraid of being attacked by people I owe money to and of what may happen
next.
• Harm to others.
• I use on feelings. I can use the programme to more effectively deal with feelings, without
negative outcomes.
NO CONNECTION
• The relationships with Jesus, me and people are not functioning due to my cocaine
addiction, hence I feel and am out of synch with reality.
• My dad is always worried about me.
• I have been quite isolated over the years.
• People used to respect me, I used to respect me. People distrust me.
• I am angry with myself, so I forgive and stay clean.
• Feeling out of control.
• I have not had a romantic relationship for years.
Spiritual Consequences
• Loss of belief that I will get clean and stay clean again.
• Cocaine is my punishing God. Jesus is a rewarding God
• I watch a lot of porn. Indicative that I am selfish, and chiefly concerned with my pleasure.
• I have not developed at all. I am like a child in an adult body. I would like to be as Jesus
would have me be.
• I feel emptiness most of time, like I have lost my soul and lacking enthusiasm
• Due to prolonged drug use my personality has deteriorated; including, lying cheating
stealing, begging, borrowing, selling and, scheming. I would like to be more forgiving, preserving
and useful.
• I used to be courageous and strong and high achieving.
As you listen to Pete, please pray for him. He is in a spiritual war zone. Pray that Christ will be more to him that any addictive issue he may have. Pray that as he comes on our next course, and the Saturday mornings, and the Bible reading each day that he would be consistent in just showing up, creating new habits. Pray that the message of true freedom will reach the depths of his soul. Pete has been on many recovery and rehab programs. I pray that our Father will show Pete how deeply he is loved and that he does not need to turn to counterfeits any more.
Pete with Sally Childress
A brave individual