Consequences of Using
This piece today is an incredibly frank look at an addict’s thinking and motivation. I find it an immensely courageous look at personal thought patterns, actions and consequences.
These thought patterns are not unique to this struggler. This struggler is also a Christian, a believer, a brother in Christ. He could be sitting next to you in church and you would never guess.
He needs help and this is the passion and vision behind Free! Recovery; providing safe places for people like Pete to be able to slowly share their story. We long for people like Pete to experience true freedom, not just the portrayed shiny image that he projects on the outside. May Pete discover the depth of contentment that only Christ can give.
Let me introduce you to Pete (named changed). Pete has been a participant with us on and off for many years; in and out of rehab and still struggles, although has made significant strides. Here are his thoughts Part 1. I have kept this authentic to Pete’s original writing with a little bit of editing for clarity.
Listen to his words and hear the discouragement and sadness…
Summary
If I choose to use drugs, I create consequences. I cannot use without negative events occurring. I have been taking drugs for 30 years, and I am not getting away with it anymore. I want to do different things with my life, and I cannot do these things when I am using due to the compulsion. There are some serious for me that I have yet to face. These consequences may be painful and life changing. The consequences of addiction are progressive; getting more severe, even though I don’t enjoy using and don’t want to use and the drugs will never work again. I want to stay stopped and live /die clean. To do this I change and stop using and start practising spiritual principles, and don’t pick up the next one. I have already experienced recovery, and I would like to live and enjoy my life without the use of drugs, achieve positive outcomes, once more.
Physical Consequences
CAREER
- I had a good job at deutsche bank which I lost due to my cocaine addiction.
- I have messed up a career in investment banking due to drug addiction.
- I am struggling to get my career in the NHS going as I spend most of my time high. It’s my late mother’s dream and mine, that I grow a career in the NHS.
HEALTH
- Weight gain.
- Mental health illness, including paranoid schizophrenia.
- There is a withdrawal where I have difficult thoughts and feelings.
- I have been stabbed, beaten up, robbed, over -dosed.
FINANCIAL
- I have spent maybe £60,000 this year on my cocaine addiction, maybe a million in my life.
- I am on benefits.
- I am always skint.
- Room is a mess most of the time. I have few possessions.
LOSS OF FREEDOM
- Possibility of being in jail for the rest of my life.
- I could be killed for some of my behaviours whilst using.
- I have lost my freedom as I have been in jail, rehabs and psychiatric units for my behaviours when I take drugs. Even when I am in the community my activities are limited to making money, using drugs.
Intellectual Consequences
- My thinking has become less success orientated. Sometimes I want to fail. This was not like this before. I want success after success, clean day after clean day.
- I have difficulty using my mind.
- I developed the obsession where i think “I will enjoy using and there will be no consequence, and I will only use a little.”
- I developed a denial mechanism and I cant see that the obsession, leads to the compulsion, which leads to consequences
- I am troubled by paranoid thoughts. Drones are following me?!
Come back next week for Part 2 of Pete’s thoughts.
What lies and distortions did you hear in Part 1 of Pete’s thought patterns and consequences?
"Pete"
A Free! Recovery Guest