I sometimes look back at my earlier years and wonder how easily one decision led to another.

At the time, none of it felt especially dramatic.

It just felt like life.

I had known Brad casually years earlier. We had crossed paths through family connections, and eventually we reconnected. I was going through a difficult period of life—my mother had passed away, my relationship with my father had broken down, and I had been forced out of the house. For several months I was effectively homeless, couch surfing, doing whatever I could to get by.

Eventually I found a place to stay with a friend in California. During that time I ran into Brad again. He invited me to visit him where he worked as a radio DJ. One evening we played some jazz records over the airwaves and smoked a couple of joints. It seemed harmless enough at the time.

 

A little while later he invited me to his home.

That evening turned into my introduction to cocaine. Brad prepared it carefully, almost theatrically, chopping it into lines and laying them out for us. I had never tried it before. We used a straw and then sat back as the drug took effect.

The conversation suddenly felt electric. Everything seemed alive. Ideas flowed. We laughed, talked endlessly, and the night felt exhilarating.

That was the beginning.

Before long Brad and I were regularly using drugs together. Eventually I became involved in helping distribute them. At the time it seemed exciting and profitable. We convinced ourselves it was simply business.

Then something happened that should have shaken us awake.

A man named Eric had become involved in the same trade. He smuggled cocaine internationally by swallowing sealed packets and transporting them across borders. One day, while travelling by plane from South America to Alaska, one of the packets burst inside his body. He died before the plane even landed.

When we heard the news we were stunned.

It was horrifying.

It was tragic.

And yet, if I am honest, it did not change our behaviour.

We were shocked for a while. Saddened. Troubled.

But the addictive lifestyle continued.

Looking back now, that realisation is deeply sobering.

You would think that something as serious as a friend dying because of drugs would cause immediate change.

But addiction rarely works that way.

Consequences alone are often not enough to turn the human heart.

The Bible describes this struggle with remarkable honesty.

📖 James 1:14–15 (ESV)
“Each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin.”

The real battle was not simply the drugs.

The real battle was the desires inside my own heart.

Excitement.
Escape.
Belonging.
Control.

Addictive behaviours often promise relief, identity, or pleasure. But over time they quietly tighten their grip.

Jesus speaks directly into this deeper thirst.

📖John 4:14
“Whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again.”

Addiction promises satisfaction.

But only Christ satisfies the deepest hunger of the heart.

 

---

🤔Ponder

Looking back on my own story, I see how powerful desire can be.

What desires might be driving your habits today?

Comfort?
Escape?
Approval?
Relief from pain?

What are you hoping those behaviours will give you?

 

---

🏃‍➡️Action

Take a few quiet minutes today.

Ask yourself honestly:

“What am I really seeking when I turn to this habit?”

Write it down.

Awareness is often the first step toward change.

 

---

🙏Prayer

Lord,

You know the desires of my heart, even the ones I try to hide.

You see the places where I seek comfort or escape in things that cannot truly satisfy.

Help me turn toward You.

Replace these false comforts with the deeper joy of knowing Christ.

Amen.

 

---

🏋️‍♀️Challenge

This week, when temptation begins to surface, pause.

Before acting, whisper a simple prayer:

“Lord, help me choose You in this moment.”

Freedom rarely happens all at once.

But every small step toward Christ begins to loosen the grip of old patterns.