I needed to pay attention
Recently, as I was facilitating a support group, something hit me straight in my core. I knew somehow I was meant to take notice. A participant was talking about the next part of her journey, she was sharing about how she wanted to to respond not react to circumstances.
The next question to my own soul was HOW LORD?
I have never been good at slowing down and not blurting out when I disagree with something or I am standing up for someone or something that I feel strongly about. It has been a long learning curve and I am still on that journey. I pondered the following verses from Ephesians: Chapter 4 Verses 26-27
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
I suppose when I do react too quickly it is generally out of frustration or anger. I definitely do not want to give the devil any foothold.
Help me slow down, Lord
I need the Lord’s help, I am reactionary, I do want to learn how to respond better to circumstances. One of the ways of learning to respond vs react is to create a habit of waiting. The emotions may be suddenly off the chart, out of anger, fear or frustration but learning, with the Lord’s help, to stop, slow down, wait and then respond.
I am in a battle
It is good to recognise my own responsibility, sin and weakness. It is good to run to our Lord and receive His grace and mercy together with His joy and acceptance of me. It is also imperative that we recognise that the devil is prowing around like a roaring lion seeking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8)
“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”
I must be aware of my own weakness; Be watchful
The awareness of my reactionary nature has been something I have lived with, been ashamed of, felt guilty about and probably never wanted to accept. This awareness is very much linked with my concept of my own self-worth. The thoughts in my mind can often spiral downwards; I am an idiot; What was I thinking? I am really no good at all; Why am I even bothering? Why would God use me? Nobody listens!
I need to watch my own thinking. The fact is I would not be here without God; He knows; He still uses me; He has chosen me; I am His child; He does not make mistakes.
Capturing Thoughts and Speaking Truth to My Own Soul
Ok, so I’m aware that I’m a reactionary, can blurt things out especially if I feel strongly about something.
What can I do? We talk much at Free! about capturing our thoughts in Christ Jesus and what this practically, every day means.
I’m on my way to a potentially stressful situation, working with volunteers, training others, a long day. Plenty of scope for something to go wrong. HALT (Hungry Angry Lonely and Tired) can so easily be present as a trigger. Years ago, well sometimes not so long ago, I would go into this situation and not give my thought life or potential trigger points any attention. Something would simply explode and I would react.
Nowadays, I am more aware, I am talking to God prior to the situation, I am giving Him the potential triggers, asking for His help. I am beginning to recognise earlier and earlier the warning thoughts/emotions and I am learning not to fight them, admit that they are there (a volunteer hasn’t shown, the food hasn’t arrived, I am feeling rushed and frustration is beginning to rise). If I am able I will pull myself away, give all of this to God, ask His help, maybe even be humble enough to ask someone to pray with me. Often there isn’t much time to do this, so I am talking to God, crying for help, as I am working. I also try to remember significant Bible verses that help in the moment, even if it is just simply that God is my refuge and fortress, a place of safety.
It is good to remember that God is Sovereign. He is on the throne not me!!!
I have found that I am more likely to respond not react when I do this. I also have worked out that being quick to say sorry and showing grace and mercy to others in stressful situations has really helped defuse situations, creating new habits in response has been useful; especially practicing not blaming others when things go wrong. They’ve just gone wrong!!
The question I also ask myself is: Does this really matter? Is it worth getting steamed up about?
My husband is probably reading this and going yes, those are good questions. Are you asking them?
Another one is to let go of the right to be right! This is a difficult one. I do like to be right but holding on will lead to a reactionary response. Lord, please help me lay down this right!
Let you speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. Colossians 4:6
Sally Childress
Child of God, Wife of John, Co-founder of Free! Recovery