This morning I woke up with racing thoughts and just bouncing from one thing to another. "Good morning, Jesus" "Thank you for a new day." This started well then it was, " I really need to watch my food intake today," " what about a quiet time with God." I then sat down, surrounded by devotional books, my prayer guide and my Bible. I prayed for a little while then John came upstairs with coffee....yes I am spoiled....I tried again to settle down.....all I could think about was the writing I needed to get to (trying a new daily devotional guide for our Free! participants), then I bounced to, " what about an app?....then John came up again, " what shall we do for breakfast?" This was a major interruption in my thought process. I made the switch and then it was breakfast mode, oh and it is rubbish collection day, what needs to be prepared for lunch and the kitchen floor was still sticky after a bottle of ginger wine fell yesterday, yes, that was me....
I recalled the broken bottle and sticky spill and it reflected my broken, disjointed thought patterns this am. How was I on earth going to get back into some semblance of sanity? At one point in my life this would have sent me down the blame shame and guilt
route. It was all my fault that my thoughts were all over the place, I was an appalling Christian and how could God possibly love me because I just couldn't get it together.
I had a glimpse of a break-though not long ago as I began to see my speedy spontaneous thought patterns as a circumstance that just maybe I could not control. I began to learn to rest in Jesus in the middle of this storm, asking for His help, leaning in on Him. I sometimes literally lean against a wall as I pray because it is sturdy and does not shift. It is in the midst of the circumstance, not in trying to control it, that I often find the peace of God, and His presence right there with me. I start by giving the thoughts to Jesus and ask Him to draw me to Himself. I bring these thoughts into my prayer throughout the day; I just talk to Jesus about them.
This is my break -through. My choice is 'simply' to turn to Jesus and He changes my response to the circumstance from frustration to a deeper acceptance of my need of a Saviour every day. Sometimes this is the hardest choice to make. I encourage you to make a new habit and choose to turn to Him in all circumstances, no matter how difficult.
"He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm." Mark 4:39.
Lord, please calm my storm today. I need you.