Why have a support group here?
Changing a church culture is not easy. It was never meant to be a “them and us” scenario. Somehow the messy and vulnerable of our lives can so easily be replaced with a veneer of “I’m fine” or the denial of “there are no life-controlling, sinful habits here!”
I was recently co-facilitating a training session with a church group who was very interested in starting up a Free! recovery ministry. One question that was lingering throughout the session was, “How do we help the congregation “buy in” to such a ministry? How do we begin to realise the need in all of our hearts to be rescued from life-controlling issues? What if we do not believe we have any such issues? What if I know that my congregation has issues, I talk from the pulpit but they still are not willing to admit them? How can we bridge the gap?”
What I mean by this is to begin to narrow the gap between those, who obviously struggle with addictive habits and those, whose sins and life-controlling issues are not so visible. If this is not bridged, a facilitator of a support group will find it really difficult to relate; struggle to encourage vulnerability and might be inwardly judgmental of what is shared. I know this first hand; the struggling, those who are on the front line of addictive issues, will see right through someone who is just an onlooker. The danger is that a facilitator will try to “fix” a person and this rarely has a good outcome.
I was encouraged in the session to hear people beginning to be vulnerable when faced with the question: “What do you run to when you are stressed, angry, overwhelmed?” This is a huge stepping stone for some. It may not have even been a question they have faced before, there may be a degree of denial that they have any kind of coping mechanism; or life is just on an automatic mode; go to the fridge or open a bottle, grab that chocolate, binge watch TV. All of this can be done quietly, no one sees…so it can be easily denied.
Sin is Addictive
This may be a place to start. The awareness that we all have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23). Yes, Jesus died and rose again to take away our sin; the power of sin is broken so that we can begin to conform to God’s ways and become more like Christ. Full freedom is not yet fully here. We still all sin. Can we learn to admit this to one another? We are all in this together; brothers and sisters, all in varying degrees journeying together. No, we will not all understand why someone gets involved in a particular sin. They may not understand us. Is our judgement, gossip, pride or avoidance any less sinful than binging, over using, porn or gambling?
We all need to run back to the teachings of Jesus. His compassion and grace was extraordinary. He practiced this alongside the piercing confrontational truth against any kind of sin. He did not sheer back from love nor truth.
Our hearts need exposing. All our hearts, not just some!
We all need to create habits to please God and not our sin nature. We all need community help to do this.
Heart questions from the pulpit, in a house group, in after church conversations, leaders being honest about their own lives (wisely) can help us connect with our own inner vulnerable selves:
“How do you cope with stress in your daily life?”
“Where do you run, when a difficult situation strikes?”
“What are your first thoughts in the morning?”
“Are you ever tempted to?”
“Imagine if you had a different childhood, or a different upbringing, what would you do?”
“How are you handling this really difficult time?”
“Do you ever feel like isolating?”
“What do you binge on when you just want to check out or feeling very anxious?”
“Do you ever want to just numb your feelings?”
A need for a special place that is safe and compassionate
In an ideal world or church, a separate place may not be needed. However, sometimes people just need a place to go where they can share their story and struggle with people who understand. They need a good, solid and wise listening ear. A place that can be a stepping stone into a local church or a time out from the normal groups. The normal groups can be lovely places, but can be very lonely if they do not provide a place to share the deepest hidden struggles of life, that are dominating our inner walk with Jesus and others.
A support group can be very beneficial. A few months ago our own home group joined the Free! online 10 week session each Thursday. They were exposed to some of these questions and it provoked some really good conversation. Deeply encouraging. This is one way you can bridge the gap! They now could see that such a group could be beneficial. They also saw that their hearts are not so different from the addicted drinker, drug user, gambler, porn user, over eater, worrier, gossiper etc.
Just maybe the gap can now be jumped across and a bridge no longer needed.
Where is your heart?
What life-controlling issues do you need to place in Jesus’s arms?
Is there someone in your local church, where you can be open and vulnerable? Ask for help and prayer.
This week, remember to talk to God, connect with God’s people, and read His Word. practice being thankful!
Sally Childress
Co-Founder, Free! Recovery
